Since we have a new baby on the way, DH and I have been thinking a lot about playing Favoritism and how Haylee will take the new baby.
How can I possibly love anything or anyone as much as I love Haylee? How will we make time for JUST her after the baby? Will she be jealous? How can we make her not jealous? How can we help the transition?
My question to all of you that have 2 or more kids...how did you make the transition easy in your family? Did you do anything special for kiddo #1 when kiddo #2 was born? How do you make sure you spend quality time with each one?
Friday, December 19, 2008
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My older child was almost 9 when our baby was born over the summer. So, while she understood what was going on, she didn't realize the impact it would have on our family dynamics. I don't think any of us did. If possible, I love them both more now than I did when there was just one. It's really hard to make time for JUST the older child when babies need so much attention, and the older kids WILL be jealous. But I let her snuggle us while I was nursing the baby, cuddle me watching TV while we're resting together, etc. He was a premie, so there were some problems and complications with that, so she even helped me feed him (I had to use a tube while I was nursing him, so she helped with the tube). And ... the week after I had him, hubby took her to breakfast and had some one-on-one time with her too. So it is possible, it's just not easy.
ReplyDeleteGood luck and congratulations!
I don't have kids, but I'll give you my 2 cents anyway. My friend Kristen is the bestest mom ever. One thing that she does is everyone gets one on one time with each parent. Whether it's just grocery shopping or watching a movie, it's special time together. I remember this (being youngest of three) growing up with going to the candy store on the way home from dance with my daddy!
ReplyDeleteWith us, we learned don't compare- each is unique and make time for each one, and listen to your children-(by listen that means paying attention to their actions too). My kids are all special and we have had many little guests too, and they have learned we love them to pieces for what they are- and they show that by having open arms. Since this is the first- make sure she knows how awesome she is and that now she is the big sister. Doing things at first is hard, but even watching videos in bed together and coloring while baby sleeps and you rest- giving her special time. May sound silly but it doesn't take buying things- they want to be praised, and get a little bit of time with you- have hubs watch baby and go out to lunch or the zoo, or go to the pottery place or makea bear- simple things- time together..even going to the library. Have dad take her out for special time once or twice a week just with her- (your opportunity for naps too!) It gets easier as time goes on, and they may seem jealous but remember they were always yours all the time before the creature in the crib came along, show her you still love her and always will. Yes your heart can love many babies- its when they grow and go that breaks your heart.
ReplyDeleteIt's tough and I feel like I favor the new baby. She's vulnerable and she needs me.
ReplyDeleteIt helps to take the first to the grocery store--just me and him. A friend takes her toddler out for coffee (he probably has chocolate milk or something) and it means a lot to them both.
I wish I could help! We only have the one and I'm wondering the same thing! PS:
ReplyDeleteYou've been tagged :)
http://thesuckieranch.blogspot.com/2008/12/ive-been-tagged.html